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Stop Giving Up! Reach for Advocacy and Take Back Control

Writer's picture: Piper Harris, APC NCCPiper Harris, APC NCC


Life can feel overwhelming.


We’ve all been there—moments when it’s easier to stay quiet, avoid conflict, or let life happen to us instead of standing up and taking action. But what if the secret to resilience and progress lies in one simple yet powerful concept: self-advocacy?

How can advocating for yourself pull you out of self-doubt, create momentum, and help you take control of your life? Meet the ADVOCATE Framework, a practical, step-by-step tool designed to make self-advocacy second nature.


From Self-Pity to Action: My Story


Recently, I found myself in a challenging situation with my business partner, Susan. She introduced me to an opportunity that sounded amazing—a podcast and online event hosted by her friend. It was a great opportunity, just not the right one for me.


I’d committed to a strict plan for 2025, saying yes only to opportunities that perfectly aligned with my goals for Untangled Mind. Yet, I felt the familiar tug of people-pleasing anxiety. What if I hurt Susan’s feelings? What if her friend thought less of me?


(Don't want to keep reading? Listen to this podcast!)



Instead of letting those “what ifs” take over, I used my ADVOCATE Framework to assess the situation, clarify my needs, and communicate effectively. I explained my reasons, grounded in my values and goals, and advocated for myself with respect and confidence.


It wasn’t easy. Advocacy rarely is. But it was worth it. I stayed true to my goals, strengthened my boundaries, and walked away with clarity and determination.


Why Self-Advocacy Matters


Advocating for yourself isn’t just about getting what you want in the moment. It’s a process that rewires your brain, builds resilience, and creates the foundation for lasting grit.


The Psychology Behind Advocacy


In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we learn about the cognitive triad—the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Without self-advocacy, we often stay stuck in distorted thinking patterns:


  • I’m powerless.

  • Nothing will ever change.

  • It’s not worth trying.


Self-advocacy disrupts this loop. Each time you act—whether it’s setting a boundary, asking for help, or saying no—you replace those negative thoughts with empowering ones:


  • I have control.

  • I can make change happen.



The Neurobiology of Action


Advocacy also activates key regions of the brain, such as the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (AMCC), which is responsible for detecting errors, increasing resilience, and more. When you advocate for yourself, you engage your brain’s learning and reward systems, reinforcing confidence and building new neural pathways for action.


This is why advocacy isn’t just a one-time act. It’s a tool for ongoing growth, training your brain to overcome fear and hesitation with resilience and purpose.


 


"Effort Counts Twice."

-Angela Duckworth


 

The ADVOCATE Framework


To help you step into action, I’ve created the ADVOCATE Framework. This step-by-step process guides you through the art of self-advocacy with clarity and confidence.


A – Assess Your Situation

Start with clarity. Ask yourself:


  • What’s happening right now?

  • What do I need to feel supported or regain control?


D – Define Your Goals

Be specific about what you want to achieve. Whether it’s setting a boundary or resolving a conflict, define your goals with intention.


V – Validate Your Worth

Advocating for yourself requires confidence. Remind yourself that your needs and voice matter.


O – Outline Your Plan

Break your advocacy into actionable steps. For example, plan what you’ll say in a conversation or write down key points.


C – Communicate Clearly

Use clear, direct language to express your needs. For example: I’ve committed to saying no to anything outside my 2025 goals.


A – Align with Your Values

Make sure your actions reflect what’s most important to you. Advocacy feels most powerful when it’s rooted in your values.


T – Take the First Step

Action creates momentum. Start small and let each step build your confidence.


E – Evaluate and Adjust

Reflect on the outcome. What worked? What didn’t? Use this insight to refine your approach for the future.


 


Advocacy Builds Resilience and Grit


When you advocate for yourself, you do more than solve immediate problems. You build the skills and mental toughness needed for long-term growth.


Each act of self-advocacy creates a ripple effect:


  • Confidence: You reinforce your sense of control.

  • Resilience: You train your brain to overcome fear and hesitation.

  • Grit: Small wins accumulate, creating a foundation of perseverance.


 

Take Action Today


If you’re feeling stuck, start small. Use the ADVOCATE Framework (download the worksheet) to identify one area where you can take action. Remember, advocacy isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about consistently showing up for yourself, even in the little things.


Self-advocacy is more than a skill—it’s a declaration of self-respect. When you advocate for yourself, you’re not just surviving; you’re creating a life built on clarity, resilience, and grit.


What’s one way you can advocate for yourself today? Start now.

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