Negative feedback can be tough to face, especially in the therapy world where we’re committed to helping others grow and heal. But let’s be real—just like clients who struggle with their own challenges, therapists aren’t immune to needing growth and change. Sometimes, hearing what isn't working can be a wake-up call, revealing blind spots or pushing us to be even better.
In this blog, I’ll share my own experiences with feedback, how cognitive biases can stand in the way of growth for both therapists and clients, and why addressing the negatives head-on is essential. We’ll also look at how famous thinkers have embraced failure as a pathway to success and apply these lessons to the therapeutic process.
The Impact of Cognitive Biases on Receiving Feedback
Let’s start by acknowledging the elephant in the room: cognitive biases. These are the mental shortcuts our brains take, which can often distort the way we perceive situations, including negative feedback. As therapists, we’re trained to recognize these patterns in our clients, but that doesn’t mean we’re immune to them ourselves. In fact, I’ve had to catch myself falling into these traps more than once.
Here are a few cognitive biases that can interfere with our ability to grow from feedback:
Confirmation Bias: This occurs when we seek out information that supports our existing beliefs while ignoring contradictory evidence. I’ve seen this happen not just with clients, but with therapists too, including myself. It’s easy to focus on all the positive reviews and dismiss that one negative review as “just someone who wasn’t ready for therapy.” But doing so might mean we’re missing valuable insights into how we could improve.
Self-Serving Bias: This is when we attribute successes to our own efforts but blame external factors for failures. I’ve noticed how tempting it is to write off a client’s lack of progress as solely their resistance or unwillingness to change. But doing so robs us of the chance to reflect on our own methods and question whether there’s a different way to connect or a new technique to try.
Negativity Bias: On the flip side, some of us may give too much weight to negative feedback, letting one bad review cast a shadow over dozens of positive ones. I’ve been there—staring at a negative survey response and feeling like it erases all the good feedback I’ve received. This bias can lead to self-doubt and can prevent us from trying new things out of fear of more criticism.
Embracing a Growth Mindset: An Antidote to Cognitive Bias
To grow from negative feedback, we have to start with a growth mindset. Psychologist Carol Dweck coined this term to describe the belief that our abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. This mindset doesn’t just help clients; it’s a game-changer for therapists too.
Research backs this up. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that people who believed they could improve were more likely to seek out corrective feedback and make actual progress. When I remind myself that there’s always room to grow, feedback—even the tough stuff—becomes a guidepost rather than an attack.
The Cognitive Biases Clients Share
I often see the same cognitive biases in my clients. For example, emotional reasoning (believing that their feelings are the absolute truth) can cause clients to think their problems are permanent and unsolvable. Similarly, all-or-nothing thinking can make clients see one setback as a total failure rather than a learning experience.
The good news is that these biases can be challenged. When I’m open about my own struggles with feedback and growth, it normalizes the process for my clients. It’s a reminder that personal development isn’t just a destination we magically arrive at—it’s a lifelong journey.
The Power of Facing Negative Feedback Head-On
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford
Henry Ford’s words ring true, especially in the therapy room. When I reflect on negative feedback, I try to see it not as a condemnation but as a chance to rethink and refine my approach. It’s an opportunity to “begin again” in a more thoughtful, informed way. This is especially important because if I’m not continually learning, then I’m not providing the best possible care to my clients.
Negative reviews or complaints aren't just a dent in my ego—they’re valuable insights that can guide my growth. For example, if a client mentions that I didn’t seem to understand their experience, I take that seriously. Maybe there’s a new technique I need to learn, or perhaps I need to communicate my methods more clearly. Either way, facing the feedback is the first step toward growth.
How I Implement Changes Based on Feedback
I regularly send out client satisfaction surveys because I believe in listening to what clients have to say. Most of the time, the feedback is positive, but sometimes, it’s not. When that happens, I don’t just shrug it off. I take it as an opportunity to review my approach and see if there’s a way to tweak my methods, clarify expectations, or even adjust the tools I’m using.
And don’t get me wrong—this isn’t about deflecting responsibility or blaming the client. It’s about owning my part in the therapeutic process. If I’m going to help others grow, I have to model growth myself. By addressing negative feedback openly, I’m not just changing my practice for the better; I’m setting an example for my clients that growth is possible and that we’re all in this journey of continuous improvement together.
Setting Boundaries and Understanding Limitations
Not every therapeutic relationship is meant to last. I’ve had to fire clients when it became clear that our work together wasn’t beneficial. Setting boundaries is not only essential for my well-being as a therapist but also for the client’s progress. When I explain this in my practice, I let clients know that it’s not a failure; it’s a redirection to find an approach or a professional that may be a better fit.
Don't Forget: Therapists Are Human Too. Let’s Talk About Realistic Expectations
It’s easy to forget that therapists are human beings with lives outside the therapy room. We have families, face personal struggles, and yes, sometimes, we have off days. The idea that a therapist must always be “on,” never make mistakes, and have all the answers sets an unrealistic expectation that no one could meet. This kind of pressure can actually create barriers to effective therapy, both for the therapist and the client.
When someone judges a therapist harshly through this lens, it’s often a reflection of a deeper issue—a pattern of setting severe expectations on everyone in their life, including themselves. If you find that you’re disappointed when people fall short, it might be worth exploring whether you hold yourself to similarly unattainable standards. This can be a source of significant stress and can contribute to feelings of frustration, resentment, and burnout.
I’ve noticed that clients who come into therapy with very rigid expectations—whether about me, the process, or themselves—often struggle more with setbacks. If a client believes that every session has to be groundbreaking or that I need to be the “perfect” therapist every single time, they might miss the valuable small steps of progress that are happening along the way. Therapy, like life, isn’t a linear path, and both clients and therapists will inevitably experience ups and downs.
The Value of Embracing Imperfection
There’s something powerful about admitting that we’re all imperfect, including therapists. When I show up as my authentic self—flaws and all—it can actually enhance the therapeutic relationship. I’m not saying that therapists shouldn’t strive to be their best or that we shouldn’t own up to mistakes when they happen. What I’m saying is that accepting our own humanity allows for a more genuine connection with clients, where the focus shifts from an idealized expectation to a shared journey of growth.
By acknowledging that I may have an off day and still show up to do the work, I’m modeling resilience and authenticity. It’s not about dismissing the importance of delivering high-quality care, but rather about normalizing the fact that no one, not even a therapist, is above being human. When clients see that I’m committed to growth and improvement despite imperfections, it can encourage them to apply the same understanding and compassion toward themselves.
Wrap-Up: Turning Negative into Positive
I’m not afraid to admit that negative feedback stings, but it’s also an invaluable teacher. Cognitive biases may initially make it difficult to accept criticism, but embracing a growth mindset changes the game for both therapists and clients. By facing feedback head-on and making constructive changes, we can all “begin again, this time more intelligently,” as Ford wisely put it.
Whether it’s about addressing cognitive distortions in therapy or making tweaks to my own practice based on client feedback, growth is a shared journey. It’s not just about what happens during sessions—it’s about what happens after, how we respond to the ups and downs, and how we use setbacks as stepping stones for something better.
Let’s not shy away from the negative. Instead, let’s use it to fuel our transformation.
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