The Tension Between Our Values and Our Actions (And Why It Matters)

One of the most powerful and uncomfortable truths in therapy is this: real growth almost always lives in the tension between what we value and what we actually do.

We see it every day in sessions. A client values connection but pulls away when vulnerability feels risky. Another values courage but stays in a job that slowly drains their spirit. They feel the gap. They feel like a fraud sometimes. And that very discomfort? It’s often the doorway to meaningful change.

Psychology calls this cognitive dissonance, the mental stress that arises when our beliefs and our behaviors don’t line up. Instead of ignoring it or judging ourselves harshly, the healthiest response is to sit with it. To get curious. To ask: What is this tension trying to teach me? Where might I need to grow?

I ask my clients to do this work all the time.

Lately, I’ve been doing it too.

For years, I held a very clear value: I want every person who works with me to receive competent, ethical, results-driven care that actually works, not the watered-down version that insurance reimbursement rates often force on therapists. I watched too many therapists feel pressured to use only the codes that get paid, skip meaningful assessments, or shorten the depth of treatment just to survive the system. I refused to participate in that. So I stayed strictly private-pay. That decision felt aligned, clean, and protective of the full Untangled Mind Pathway I had built.

But values don’t live in a vacuum. There’s another value I hold just as strongly: I want high-quality care to be available to more than just those who can easily afford it.

And here’s where the tension showed up.

Many people struggling with anxiety and trauma, especially injured first responders, veterans on Medicare, and families with limited financial means, simply cannot access the kind of structured, data-informed care they need. The gap between “I believe excellent care should be available” and “I’m not making it available to the people who need it most” started to weigh on me.

So I sat in it.

I prayed. I reflected. I talked with trusted colleagues and family. And I realized something important: change isn’t only something I ask of my clients. It’s something I have to be willing to practice myself when the moment is right.

That’s why I recently made a change.

I am now accepting a very limited number of insured clients through the Headway platform, but only for anxiety and trauma work.

This access simply wasn’t available to me until now.

After careful consideration, I decided to open a small handful of these spots because I believe it is possible to extend the same high standard of care without compromising the integrity of the Untangled Mind Pathway.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• The insurance option is intentionally small so I can continue giving every client the attention and depth they deserve.

• I will never accept insured clients outside of my specialty areas (anxiety and trauma).

• The full Untangled Mind Pathway, including the required workbook, monthly reassessments, and structured framework, remains the gold standard. For Headway clients who want the complete experience, those elements are available as self-pay add-ons through Untangled Mind, LLC.

• I am also actively working toward Medicare and Medicaid credentialing so I can reach even more people who have historically faced barriers to quality care.
  

To my current and past clients: nothing is changing for you. You will continue to receive the exact same full-pathway experience you always have: the assessments, the workbook, the Client-Only Hub, and the high-touch care. This new option does not dilute what we’ve built together.

I still believe excellent care is worth the investment. That hasn’t shifted. What has shifted is my willingness to hold the tension between that belief and the reality that some people simply cannot afford it right now. I’m choosing to do what I can within clear, ethical, and sustainable boundaries to help close that gap.

If you’re reading this and you (or someone you care about) have been held back from seeking help because of cost, I hope this feels like a small but meaningful door opening.

Change is hard. For all of us. But when we’re willing to sit in the tension instead of turning away from it, something honest and good can grow.

Thank you for trusting me with your journey, even as I continue to walk mine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVVeLlyOyoE