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Avoiding Discomfort Reinforces It: Why First Responders Need Distress Tolerance, Not Avoidance

Writer: Piper Harris, APC NCCPiper Harris, APC NCC
Feb 176 min read


Photo Credit: Marietta Daily Journal
Photo Credit: Marietta Daily Journal

Last week, I attended the funeral of a police officer. First responder funerals are never just about the loss of one individual; they represent the weight of sacrifice, the quiet cost that every officer, firefighter, and paramedic knows is part of the job but rarely acknowledges.


As I sat in that church, surrounded by uniforms and solemn faces, I noticed how differently people were reacting to the tragedy unfolding before us.


Some had tears streaming down their faces, mourning openly. Some fidgeted, unable to sit still with their emotions. Some scowled, their jaws clenched—an attempt to contain what they couldn’t express. A few sat motionless, staring ahead as if they weren’t even present, their eyes fixed but unseeing.


And then, there were those who mediated their discomfort—not by suppressing it, but by grounding themselves in small ways. A touch, a nod, a look. My husband, sitting beside me, was one of them. I watched as he acknowledged the pain but stayed present with it, rather than letting it consume or paralyze him.


That moment crystallized something I see all the time in my work: first responders experience trauma exposure constantly, but what determines their long-term well-being isn’t just what they’ve been through. It’s how they process it.


Avoidance Doesn't Work—It Just Delays the Pain


One of the biggest misconceptions about healing is that avoiding discomfort is the same as overcoming it. It’s not. Every time we sidestep emotional pain—whether through distraction, suppression, or outright denial—we reinforce the belief that we can’t handle it.


And over time, this avoidance doesn’t make the distress go away. It simply reshapes itself, creeping into different areas of life:


  • Irritability over minor inconveniences

  • Difficulty sleeping or experiencing random nightmares

  • New fears, especially about relationships or safety

  • Apathy and emotional numbness, where nothing feels meaningful

  • High-risk behaviors, such as excessive drinking, reckless driving, or seeking out dangerous situations (affairs, gambling, pushing limits just to feel something)


These aren’t random behaviors—they’re leaks from unresolved trauma.


In my practice, I meet many first responders who insist they’ve already “dealt” with what they’ve seen.

They say things like:

  • I compartmentalize. I leave it at work.

  • I don’t have time to dwell on that stuff.

  • I just move forward. It’s part of the job.


But when we start unpacking things, it becomes clear they haven’t processed their trauma at all. They’ve just pushed it aside. And it is still running the show.


The Hidden Weight First Responders Carry


First responders—whether they are police officers, firefighters, or paramedics—see more trauma in a year than most civilians do in a lifetime.


  • Police officers experience, on average, three potentially traumatic events every six months (McDonald et al., 2023).

  • Firefighters report six traumatic incidents per year, with 90% saying they experience at least one event severe enough to leave lasting emotional distress (McDonald et al., 2023).

  • Emergency medical personnel face PTSD rates between 9%–22%, compared to a general population rate of 7%–12% (McDonald et al., 2023).


This means that distress is not an occasional occurrence—it is embedded into their daily reality. The problem is, many of them don’t realize how much of it they’re carrying.


Despite facing repeated exposure to trauma, with 30% of first responders developing PTSD or other mental health conditions, EAP (employee assistance programs) utilization remains critically low—often under 10% (McDonald et al., 2023; Psychiatric Times, 2023). Barriers such as stigma, lack of awareness, and difficulty accessing services prevent many from seeking the help they need (PMC, 2023). This stark contrast between the trauma first responders endure and the support they access highlights the urgent need for more accessible, stigma-free mental health interventions tailored to those on the front lines.


What Is Distress Tolerance?


Distress tolerance is the ability to experience discomfort without needing to immediately escape it. It doesn’t mean enjoying distress, nor does it mean that pain disappears. Instead, it means developing the capacity to sit with distressing emotions until they naturally pass.


According to research from the University of Nevada, first responders with higher distress tolerance experience:

  • Lower rates of PTSD, depression, and burnout (McDonald et al., 2023)

  • Better decision-making under pressure

  • Stronger emotional regulation

  • A higher sense of resilience and life satisfaction


Those with low distress tolerance tend to react in one of two ways:

  1. Avoidance: Pushing discomfort away, refusing to engage with it.

  2. Impulsivity: Engaging in immediate, often destructive behaviors to escape distress (e.g., drinking, overworking, reckless behavior).


Neither of these approaches helps in the long run. Instead, exposure-based approaches teach people to gradually face distress in a way that reduces its intensity over time.


From Retraumatization to Remembering: How I Help First Responders Build Distress Tolerance


Many first responders fear that facing their trauma head-on will make it worse. And if it’s done incorrectly, they’re right—unstructured exposure can retraumatize.


That’s why the goal of trauma counseling isn’t to relive distress but to rewire how the brain processes it.

Through structured approaches like exposure therapy, EMDR, cognitive reframing, and mindfulness-based strategies, I help first responders shift their trauma from being a source of constant emotional reactivity to something they can remember without being consumed by it.


Mindful Awareness: The Missing Skill in Trauma Recovery


Mindful awareness (MA) is the ability to direct attention to the present moment, without judgment.

For first responders, this is crucial because:

  • It interrupts automatic emotional responses, giving them a buffer between stimulus and reaction.

  • It helps process distress rather than suppressing it.

  • It reduces PTSD symptoms, burnout, and emotional detachment (McDonald et al., 2023).


A Tactical Exercise for Mindful Awareness


Here’s a grounding exercise I often teach first responders to help build distress tolerance.

  1. Pause. Notice your physical and emotional state. Are you tense? Restless? Holding your breath?

  2. Name what’s happening. Say to yourself: I feel on edge right now. My jaw is clenched. I feel tightness in my chest.

  3. Drop the resistance. Instead of trying to fight or escape the feeling, sit with it. Remind yourself, This feeling is uncomfortable, but it’s temporary. I don’t have to run from it.

  4. Use controlled breathing. Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold for four counts. Repeat.

  5. Ground yourself in the present. Notice one thing you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste.


For First Responders, Mindfulness Comes After Exposure Work


For many first responders and trauma survivors, this kind of mindful awareness isn’t accessible at first, and that’s OK. If your brain is still locked in threat mode, mindfulness can feel impossible. You’re not failing—it’s simply that your nervous system isn’t ready for it yet.


This is where my role as a trauma therapist comes in. My job isn’t just to teach you how to "calm down"—it’s to help your brain process what it’s been through so that calming down is even an option. Mindfulness doesn’t work when the brain is still reacting as if the danger is happening right now. That’s why we start with exposure-based interventions first.


Once we’ve worked through the core trauma responses—helping your brain shift from "constant threat" to "this happened, and I survived"—then we can begin incorporating mindful awareness to help prevent future distress from spiraling out of control.


Final Thoughts: Strengthening Mental Resilience in First Responders


That funeral reminded me of something I see every day in my work—first responders and individuals who have faced traumatic incidences don’t just need mental toughness; they need mental agility.


They need to be able to sit with their distress without shutting down. They need to be able to process trauma rather than suppress it. They need to be able to choose how they respond rather than being ruled by past experiences.


And this is possible.


If you’re a first responder—or someone who loves one—ask yourself:

  • Am I avoiding distress, or am I learning to carry it?

  • Do I control my emotions, or do they control me?

  • What would change in my life if I could face discomfort without fear?


Healing is not about making trauma disappear—it’s about building the strength to handle it without letting it define you.


And that work starts here.




 




For First Responders in Georgia: Counseling Tailored to You


If you’re a first responder in Georgia looking for real, research-backed trauma counseling—not just “talk therapy” but actual structured strategies that work—I invite you to connect with me.


I specialize in helping first responders process trauma effectively and build resilience so they can continue doing their job without losing themselves in the process.


You don’t have to carry this alone.





 

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